Twenty-Something

I.
I was browsing through my car club's forum when came across a post apparently received from an email:

Being Twenty-Something".

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. (few words cut) Random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading it, relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out !!?

II.
Being a Twenty-Something myself, i can totally relate to that article. I have never been so confused and so insecure. I envy people around who seem to be very in control of their lives. People who seem to know where they want to go and how to get there. And i don't even have the slightest idea where i am and how i got here, much more where to go.

III.
There are days when waking up feels like such a blessing. While there are days when i just want to walk down Taft Ave and start shooting at people just because I'm full of hate.

IV.
Being in my twenties really brought on a lot of changes. I realized life isn't a game anymore. Every decision you make has consequences. Every mistake will come back to haunt you. Trusting just isn't that easy anymore. People you trust the most will most likely be the ones to shoot you in the back of the head and spit at your bloody corpse. Feeling unwanted by people you hold dear. And yes you probably are alone.

V.
But there are good things too. A new relationship. A new friend here and there. Finally finding your long lost friends and actually enjoying their company. Suddenly the littles things really start to matter.

VI.
No matter how much i want to be a teenager again, it simply isn't possible. And so i say to being in my twenties: Bring it on bitch! hehehe more beer!