The Dive of My Life

I'm really really tired. Work is eating me up and i'm starting to think i'm not up to the challenge of my new post. I'm doing everything i can yet i feel like i'm not doing enough. I spend my day chasing after tasks i need to finish and i can never seem to catch up. I have even caught myself joking about resigning and buying a boat in anilao and just be a "bangkero". haha.

Everyday feels like a really deep dive. When i dive, there's always a bit of apprehension before back rolling into the ocean. My dive buddies know i hate back rolls (yeah i do, but im starting to enjoy it). But once i get into the water a sudden calm will always envelope me and all the thoughts get flushed out of my head. The only thing that matters is me, my buddies, my breathing and the ocean. I spend almost an hour each dive just looking at the beauty of the underwater world and following brett and dale around, they always know where to go and what to do next.

In contrast, life is starting to feel like a really deep dive. I feel like diver hovering at 60 ft not knowing wether to descend to the unseen bottom or ascend to the unseen surface. Somehow sticking it out and raching the bottom feels like a good idea simply because i want to see how this dive turns out. Every now and then i get the feeling that i should ascend to the surface, eat pancit canton while planning the next dive.

Too bad i have to do this dive on my own. No Dale or Brett to guide me and make sure i'm going to be alright.